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| God my mind is racing i cant sleep. Once again he calls he to yell at me b/c he feels bad about himself and needs someone to take it out on and im his target. What did i do? i laughed and told him to say what he wants b/c hes just a piece of shit, i also told him to call his ex and take it out on her b/c that most of his problems there.I also said im not your toy to string along anymore find someone else that you can go fuck up. That if he doesn't go to prison hes out. He showed no emotion which means he never really cared to begin with. hey a little emotion never hurt anyone.so in other words when he met me he planned on using me and i knew it i just didnt want to realize it. that was stupid on my part.I said im not a fat or stupid thats how you feel about your self. once he is gone for good he will never cross my mind again.He cant control me anymore.what i dont understand is that when i called and said where are you(when i cared) you would go off on me make me look bad and a control freak why would you make someone feel like that, or leave them out in conversations or functions, dont say i love you, you look beautiful today, or even flirt. what a loser, he expected it but not to give it in return.Thats selfish, dont get me wrong am a little sometimes but arent we all? but as for him i gave it my all and he showed nothing. Dan your a lying, backstabbing, control, abusive, lazy, sorry ass excuse for a living breathing humanbeing, if you can't appreciate life and what's in it why live? Omg i feel a lot better. well if kevin reads this sweety please dont get mad at me for writing this it was something i felt i had to do to vent. i love you. and bre you were right the whole time thank you. i love you sissy | | |
| its been soo long since ive wrote in here but last night an old friend imed me, i was soo excited to hear from him. I Talked tohim today for 4 hours he didnt go to bed which i feel bad but it felt so good to talk to him.Dan decided to go bowling without me tonight damn it im so tired of feeling left out so ive decided to break it off with him. i cant stand the mental abuse anymore, being told im fat, ugly and that hes ashamed of me. i cant take it anymore. But this other guy hes great and ive known him for so long, so i know what he's like, i know his past, and hes honest with me. every time i think about the conversation we had it makes me smile.Ive always had feelings for him.I feel its time for me to move on with my life and get away from dan things were fine until he came along and screwed things up. I just want to be happy as well as my significant other, im tired of the games, ijust want to settle down not as in getting married not for a while. im starting to think clearly now. i was stupid for being with him, i wasted my time and for what? NOTHING.he would rather hang out with his friends than me.but i see where i rank and its ok now b/c now i understand.i want a better life for myself and i know things would have only gone down hill with him i deserve better.he's just the piece of gum on the bottom of my shoe. He cant even work b/c hes so lazy. i just need to get evrything off my chest b/c i know there is someone who will treat me better and i will wait untill he comes home.he will be gone and then the weight will be gone & i can breathe again.i cant wait for him to come home. | | |
| Here iam again today for the 3rd time. So i super uber cleaned my
house. And got called a lying bitch because i wanted to go see a movie
with rachel and just hang out. well he told me his kids wernt going to
stay at there grandmothers house for the night because he didnt want
them to annoy me. WHATEVER. All i wanted to do was hang out with a
friend. What have i lied to him about? This is getting rediculous &
out of hand. Now him & his ex-wife i feel are getting too close
again & i have that bad feeling. But i thought we were alright
earlier, but i guess not. I think he is starting to get depressed again
and whatever is on his mind he's taking it out on me. I dont know what
to do, someone
help!!!!
candace<3
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| I was reading some people's log entry's and a light went off in my
head(wow for once). And i realized alot of people are writing about
love, most of them love And the rest are problems with love or with
family and then i suddenly realized wow i thought my family was
disfunctional. Not sayin i dont feel so bad now but some of those
people got it bad man i feel really sorry for them. And then i read my
sisters and i thought wow i cant believe she can express herself like
that. verbally i mean, ive written poems and shit like that but dont
show them to people b/c some will say heyman youve got some serious
issues and others will say i like that or some shit like that. lol. i
dont know i just thought i would throw in my 2 cents just because i was
reading somethings and looking a the way some people express themselves
and i thought it was amazing.
candace<3
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| Wow iam soooo bored. Its a saturday for crying outloud. He's still
sleeping. i had to work last night my friends grandfather is dying so i
went in for her. I didnt get to go to the mall. (we all knew that would
happen).Hmm what do i do today? I dont feel like cleaning, my apartment
is such a wreck. LOL. The neighbors next door but upstairs & i can
hear them arguingLOL. In other words they're being pretty loud. Im just
skipping around on my thoughts today. My step dad got married this week
normally i would never say anything but it shocked me, i thought he
wouldn't do it again but he did im happy for him. While im on the
subject i haven't heard from my biological dad since 3 weeks before
fathers day, but oh well i tried numerous times no point anymore. I
mean come on i would think that almost any other person on this planet
would get a phone call from their father? (i mean i hope they would
rather than be in position im in). The most rediculous part is that he
only lives in elgin!!! And he knows where i live but ever since he got
divorced from beth (the 2nd wife, the 1st one he had my 2 sisters with)
he does not call anymore, i think it was just pressure from her to keep
in contact with me. But on the bright side b/c now he's starting to
have 2nd thoughts about me (which his family & mine know for a fact
im his)i asked for a paternity test about march & still have not
seen one yet b/c he's broke he's so broke he has a brand new fully
loaded mustang sitting in his drive way( it's the one that looks like
the older shelby) it cost him about 35thousand. But anyways
i gotta find something to keep me fromgoing crazy.
-candace<3
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